Military Kitty-Kitch

I remember the first time I set foot in my apartment here in Japan, I nearly lost my breakfast to the surface of my yet-unzipped luggage. My stomach's seismic, sporting adventure was a result of being greeted by a mobilized army of Hello-Kitties. One cute kitty was in the form of an alarm clock, another disguised as a pillow and yet another went in cognito as a Bulletin Board Security Guard.

Now, some people are frightened of clowns, and others have pelvic clenches upon hearing carousel music.
Not me.
But, put a few kitchy, pink Kitty-chans on my shelf to scrutinize me with their beady, little plastic eyeballs, and I don't care what the time-difference is, I wanna call my mommy!
So, I was rightfully horrified when I was sitting at my desk today at work, and realized that these sneaky, servants of “kawaii-culture” had invaded all realms of my life without my even noticing! There I was, after almost three years, preparing lesson materials with sparkly, pink scissors, and a pastel orange pen from which dangled a cute Kitty dressed in a Giants baseball uniform..! I began frantically going through my drawers only to be confronted by more pink miscarriages of humanity. A shiny, strawberry-shaped magnet had attached itself to my fuchsia stapler. A series of glittery heart stickers and smiley faces had spread over my pen-caps like kawaii cancer. And, I was making borders on my worksheets with a Mickey Mouse ruler!
How did this happen?
Screw the out-dated Trojan horse. If I ever want to abandon siege and slip inside a castle, I'm assigning Hello Kitty as Commanding General!