Unlawful En-peachment

So, here in the states, there's been a lot of talk about government spying, bird droppings on eaves, and targeting of individuals who use coded "terrorist phrases" in their e-mails (like "protection of Uncle Bill's amendments to his pre-nuptual," "the Paparrazi dive under Paris Hilton's sheets again," and "the eagle has landed, and the Administration is out scuba-diving with imported parrots")...

Now, I don't really want to get into this, but I WILL state the one conviction of mine that I feel very strongly about, and that is:

My privates should be kept out of the public sector!

And, I don't think I'm being too extreme or close-minded on this one either... Afterall, my privates are my special, sacred places! Even my grandma (God/Allah/Winged Platypus, rest her soul!) told me, "Always keep 'em clean and keep 'em safe!"

And... I just can't argue with my grandma.
No one touches or plays with my privates without permission, and no one has the right to fire me from my job, en-peach me (the act of exiling a person to the center of a Giant Peach- What?! Did you think James was all that sexually innocent?) for my privates' recreational habits..., AND, it is absolutely inexcusable to put my privates' profiles in a 'Possible Terrorist Threat' folder just because they are (--even if I DO say so myself--) of exceptionally high ogling-quality!

And that's that. I'm pretty firm on this one... just as I am on my belief in the Separation of Church and Slate-mining, and Toothpaste and Orange juice...

And yet... I can't help but want to share my personal life excitements with my blogging buddies in the public sphere... So, to celebrate the hideous hypocrite within all of us, I now reveal today's ecstatic, fourth amendment-protected sentiments...:

I just got the BEST Valentines card in my mailbox I have ever received, and I can't stop smiling! (Now, understand that I hate the holiday, and would rather suck salmon eyeballs through a straw than entertain the Hallmark Day's silliness...but...)

Nothing beats a hand-made card packed with musings, drawings and sincerity from someone you miss.

(...well... except maybe a snow leopard singing karaoke from the middle of a pile of hot, naked surfers covered in complimentary colored paint, pious poetry, and freshly-fallen powder....- but that's to be saved for the 'Private Sphere of Fantasy and Pornography'--- Coming soon to a Blog near you!)