Saturday, January 29, 2005

Coriolis and Karaoke

About a month ago, I became obsessed with the magnitude of the Coriolis Effect for a perceived eternity (about three days). Devilicious determination had me on a mission. Mission being: learn if water really runs down the drain in different directions in the northern and southern hemispheres. I sent desperate pleas worldwide, begging my friends to check their bathroom sinks. I had my Japanese students watching the black water from their calligraphy brushes drain, and I cut holes in various Tupperware containers to watch what path my dish water chose for escape. Result: sometimes, water drained clockwise and other times, counterclockwise.
NOW, of course, I know that the Coriolis Effect (though powerful enough to influence weather patterns and thought-experimental-long-distance-flying cannonball performers) cannot shake hands with something so small as my bathroom sink. (here's some fun reading on that:
But, still, after last night out at a bar, watching 20-something, Japanese “cool” boys trying to sing English karaoke songs, I can't help but wonder if the spinning of the Earth doesn't affect global rhythm. I mean, really, what else could explain vocals like:
“Sweet home A la
Bam! A where the skies are
So Blue!”
So, I'd like to propose the possibility that the spinning of the Earth (along with the gravitational pull of future, orbiting landfills) significantly affects melodic and intonational exececution of covered songs.
Can anyone in the southern hemisphere back me up?

Friday, January 28, 2005


How many pairs of slippers did YOU offer someone today? I guided willing feet into about forty pairs. And, though I may have an unnatural tendency towards aberrational behavior and an affinity for reassembling my alarm clock inside of a Draft One beer can, I most decidedly don't have a foot fetish. As I was apologizing to smiling, Japanese mothers for offering them heinous, indoor footware, I was wondering to myself how many other slipper-givers there were today...
Tens of thousands, probably. Millions. Tens of millions? Spaloonkingzillions? (including those slippers that offer 132 Armor and +8 stamina, of course).
Anyway, I'm sure that more toothbrushes passed hands today in the world than slippers...
Gotta run. Off to an izakaiya for some tori karage and complimentary slippers!

Monday, January 17, 2005

Up the creek without a platypus

Disclaimer: Despite this blog's title, I regret to inform that there will be very little to no talk here of any furry, semi-aquatic mammals sporting funky, rubbery snouts. However, because I don't want to gain fame through false advertising, I WILL share one interesting tidbit about the duckbill: the male platypus harbors a poison-secreting gland in his heel. I don't know if this means he's got hemlock in his sock or if he is fucking Achilles' girlfriend, but either way, he's definitely got something I don't.