Wednesday, May 18, 2005

To get to the mountain,

Gotta cross a few creeks... (and, sometimes, be the seven-horned, disfigured, blue-belly lizard in Japan, holding a forged note from lucifer's ex-calculus professor)...
Religion aside, though,...

I just talked for two hours with a friend who lives in Ms. No-Mura-up-north, “where-was-that-again?-Land”, in what-did-you-call-me?!-Prefecture…
And, after tales of mountains, steep cliff-sided valleys and Ecstasy-muscled canoeing, I naturally, felt the need to go outside, climb a hill, see trees, smell blinded stars and over-turn a rock or two to discover what insect's life I could disturb…

What I found:
1)The choral 'moo!' of seven, suited, drinking-directioned men.
2)The absolute silence of non-silent, wet soil.
3) A psychedelically-colored, baby beetle.
4)That half-assed, doki-doki heart-flick felt when the wind picks up and you don't know how far it will go
5)The sound of unspeakable desire landing on a yet-to-be, bloom-caressed branch.
and, finally...
SIX) A Bunch of Pricks.

I mean, REALLY,
who wanders the streets on a late Wednesday night and actually expects to pick up chicks with a line like: “Hey Foreigner! You got long legs and a small face! Don't you?!”
then (looking around), “The wind feels good, right?!”

I almost replied, "Ooh, that's hot! Call me a fat, ugly, seven-headed cyclops from Uranus who will never have tea or eat a preztel with an Earthling, and you have a date!"

But, what I ACTUALLY said (in very mangled Japanese) was: "Give me back my typhoon fear, moist soil scent and shiny insects. And, you, go home to your wife!"

I, obviously, have yet to begin my Social Couthness Course...

(*Update: Here's a more accurate translation of what I probably, really said:
"You know typhoons, right? They're scary. I want that scariness of typhoons! You know wet dirt, right? I want that, too! And cute, colorful insects? I want them too! And, YOU, go home to your wife!"
Somehow, it doesn't sound so tough anymore. If you hear anyone talking like this, please alert your local, not-for-profit Home for Reality-forsaken Incoherents immediately! )

4 comments:

a a r o n said...

That is the most entertaining bit of writing that i ve read lately...fuck i just found your webpage and it s like you should be doing this for a living or something!
wicked!

-c said...

Thanks aaron!If I had it my way, we'd all be getting exhorbitant salaraies for hanging out, being creative and random!

Rabin said...

i agree with aaron, this is extremely addictive stuff!

even if it came from a fat, ugly, seven-headed cyclops from Uranus who will never have tea or eat a preztel with an Earthling. lol

cheers

-c said...

For the record, I really only have five heads (two of them were connected at the chin at birth). And, since Uranus is so politically-divided right now, I prefer to be known as coming from 'Northern Ur anus'. . .Thank you very much...