Sunday, August 28, 2005

California Screamin'

Wow, it's so nice to be back in beautiful California where the weather is idyllic, the language understandable and everything makes sense again. Ahh...
Oh, wait...

It's hellishly hot in the smoggy San Fernando Valley. Even the palm trees are trying to go underground in an attempt to become tubors and avoid the scalding sun.

The language understandable? So far, I've only heard a few people speaking English and, based on what I eaves dropped on, I'd much prefer to NOT understand the banal chatter.

Everything makes sense? This morning I went into a 7-11. Thought I'd get me a coffee and maybe a banana for breakfast. The place was packed with early-risers, filling 40 oz. cups with florescent slurpees and piling their cradled arms with family-sized Dorito bags and dozen packs of fake chocolate donuts. Did I miss something? Did Arnold Muscleman outlaw proper consumption proportions while I was gone? Was there some kind of genetic change in the population that would necessitate the institution of such absurd eating habits?
Will I be left in the wake of my state's progression if I do not adhere to this new diet of over-consumption?
If so, I think I'll take my chances...
I have a developing theory that someone high up is slipping some kind of brainwashing elixir into those MountainDew Splash Slurpees. Who's to say, I won't wake up tomorrow to find everyone around me waddling around like ducks, howling at the moon, plastering red, white and blue stripes across our forests and backing up their arguments with reality T.V. references...

I'll take a small, stale black coffee, thank you very much.

8 comments:

AliceBabylon said...

I'd give two dollars to be there laughing at the good old fashion American gluttony.

Rabin said...

To read your posts again... :)

welcome back to the blogging world. How was the space ship? Were they kind to you?

bertissimo said...

I miss something...you!
OH no...dunk me in a lake and call me yuji!

The Other Half said...

mountain dew splash slurpees...i need to start drinking those for breakfast

digitalblasphemy said...

That's ironic. I'm in a coffee shop right now, and guess what I just bought! It's 0921, so I do have a good excuse for being here. It's not only american, it's canadian, it's british, it's everywhere.

Cheers.

a a r o n said...

the true revolutionaries always stand alone! you can make a difference back home. keep up the fight and do all you can to educate about what is right. You is a big big star!

L said...

it's amazing how huge portions have become. most places don't even have a "small" size available anymore

The Ingrown Hare said...

after an eternity of abstinence I have lurked back onto these green pages. After briefly skimming the new content I skipped ahead to my real question and that was 'Does she have StatCounter installed or not?' I readily answered this question by viewing the source code and after carefully scanning the entire HTML code at the very very end I found the tell-tail signs that she'd jumped on the band-wagon. If I guessed her motives I may forever be banished so I'll wrap this up by saying "BURP!"