Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Of algae and Turkey Basters

Every young philosophical mind, at some point, poses the ageless inquiry: Are we alone in the universe?

Well, I made up my mind at about age 9 that we are most certainly and positively NOT alone; that somewhere just past Mike's Meteor Meatball stand before you get to the international headquarters of the Excess Extra-terrestrial Excrement Dump, there is a quaint little pub filled with out-of-work algaes drowning their sorrows in pints of nitrogen, wondering out-loud in slurred algae dialect: "Is this all there IS?"

So, even though I know that this pub exists (afterall, there's a webpage about it!), I still found myself pondering the question throughout the holidays: Are we alone?

Are we the only family, I wondered, that finds it perfectly normal to wrap Christmas gifts in brown paper grocery bags with doodled pictures of homicidal snowmen on them?
Are we the only family that recites "The Night Before Christmas" with added, improvised verses about Prancer's extra-curricular trips to the gay reindeer bars?
Are we the only family that gets turkey baster in our stockings, just so we can "squirt things"?
Are we the only family that has tamales for Christmas dinner and contemplates putting guacamole and salsa on our lemon bars?

Well, anyway, it was a stellar Christmas at home this year!
Next year, I think I'll send an invitation out to the regulars at the little nitrogen pub by the Meteor Meatball Stand... I'm thinking we'll have a lot in common....

5 comments:

Rabin said...

My family with it's 384874323.34 members visiting us on christmas day would fit in right next to yours :-)

Dunzo said...

please provide us with a link to this algae related existentialist thought site

dingobear said...

I always thought that Prancer was a chick reindeer ... but I suppose there isn't really anything that would disqualify her from being, you know, a lesbian reindeer, so maybe it's a moot point.

Anyway, happy to hear that you had a stellar Christmas. Hahaha, "stellar." I love that word.

frustratedwriter said...

I've thought all of the reindeer were a little on the gay side and was a bit concerned about Rudolph running in front of them...

My family used to spray paint tumbleweeds green for the yearly Christmas tree. Them is big tumbleweeds in Texas...

-c said...

r.- Man, that would sure be a lot of turkey basters for Santa's little elves to make...

dunzo- sorry, I lied. There is no website that I know of... I just thought it would add credulity to my claim of algae aliens...

dingobear- Yeah, they're all a little girly! It's a bit crass, but I wonder if a reindeer sex shop would carry double-ended vibrating antlers...

frustrated- tumbleweed x-mas tree... I have to say you are the first family I've heard of to do that! Sounds like fun!