Sunday, October 22, 2006

Erecting Baz

I actually sat down to write about Baz.

(He’s the old man I talk to every morning at the bus stop who’s got a story for every beer and a Whiskey for every myth…)

He’s got enough unintentional defecation anecdotes to burry a Golden Shower Fantasizer, and can sing the original lyrics to “She’ll be cummin’ ‘round the brown mountain when she comes…”

But…, unfortunately my creative muse has begun whinging about our possible dives into fecal matter and memory loss, and has staged a sit-in.

So..., what I’m left with are controversial and entertaining bits of real news (the homosexual penguin exhibit in Norway, Allegations of the Spanish King shooting a piss-drunk bear, Seattle’s new Metro-sexual invoking Slogan, silliness supporting/opposing my long-standing love of Ali G’s character: Borat, and frustrated remnants from a sunny day of studying for the Washington Teacher Skills Test)….

So, I’ll just complain about the studying…

Samuel is 2 inches taller than Rudy and Rudy loves dick. James does not love dick but he can white-wash a wall in four hours. Rudy is ¾ of an inch taller than James when he is white-washing but shrinks to ¼ of Samuel’s size when he is painting a window sill. Samuel can white-wash a wall in half an hour if no one else’s height exceeds Samuel’s minimum length. James is 1 inch taller than Samuel when he is not white-washing, but gains 2% of his ordinary white-washing length when he touches brush-stroked sill. If James ordinarily operates at 5/17 the same length and painting speed as Samuel, how long will it take James to paint a window sill alone, and how tall will Rudy be?

I swear, these are the type of questions they are asking a potential teacher here in Washington state…

Somehow, I think the skills I learned in high school, along with the observations, could come in handy just about now….


kyokoshell said...

i believe the answer is 42!

-c said...

tee hee. But, what was the question again?

Cap'n Rich said...

Uh, I'll go along with 42. Good answer! Well thought out.

Frustrated Writer said...

I realize 42 sounds like the right answer, but when you factor in the touch of a brush stroked sill, then the answer becomes the square root of 42 to the fourth power. Easy mistake to make.

In Texas the Teacher's Skill Test is much more manageable with questions like, "If Arnie the armadillo is struck by a semi travelling 72.6 mph on I-10 and then is runover immediately by a 1974 Volvo, how much meat mass will still be available to make a nice chili for supper?"

Dunzo said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
dingobear said...

Ok, first things first ... hehehe, you said "dick."

Second ... I did the math in your question and the answers are ... (a) It'll take James 70 minutes and 35 seconds to paint the windowsill and (b) Rudy is 5 feet 11 inches tall. Am I right?? Here's my work:

T = 5/17 * 4 hours
T = 70.59 minutes

S = R + 2"
R = 0.75" + J
S - 2" = 0.75" + J
S = 2.75" + J
J = 5/17 * 240"
J = 70 10/17"
R = 70 10/17" + 3/4"
R = 71 23/68" or approximately 5'11"

-c, the fact that your sample questions come out to half-reasonable answers suggests you should probably be writing Mensa entrance exams for a living. But should you still wish to become a Washington state school teacher, I wish you the best of luck on you exam! (You'll do great).


Anonymous said...

kingfelix here.

i also have a buddy who tells stories for beer. this week he also focused on the vexed question of how to shit and piss while on buses. i liked his pissing tips, "now, you spread a blanket over your legs, like you're having a picnic. you take the bottle and fill it, you throw it out the window. no fuss, no muss..."

sure it's not a trick? anybody with that much time to spend working out the heights of people who keep shrinking and growing is too detail-focused, likely to miss out Big Picture teaching events, such as Classroom on Fire, or No Kids Present, etc

-c said...

cap'n rich- You're in good company. Douglas Adams agreed too!

frustrated- You must have some skilled and brilliant eduacators in Texas! I, personally, would have no idea how big or delicious that armadillo was or could be, without looking at the bumpers of long-gone cars...(If you see a '74 Volvo going down I-10, though...)

dingobear- Wow! Exceptional work!I didn't think anyone would bother... Now, I wish I had actually worked out a real solvable problem to present! Mensa is waiting for YOU to hit us all with a fairly simple dilmna to solve!

King Felix- In Central/S. America I got to see a lot of women pissing beneath large skirts...right OFF the bus... but.., ON the bus, into a plastic bottle..., well they deserve a teacher's credential ANYWHERE!

dingobear said...

What do you mean? Your problem wasn't actually solvable? After all the work I put in?

I don't know how I feel about you right now.