Wednesday, October 03, 2007

On Fakes, Faking and Toast

Who can spot a fake?

Not everyone.

But, I can.

And, maybe you can too.

I can spot a fake smile, a fake nod of approval, a fake boob job, a fake prosthetic limb (in the nude), a fake offer to help excavate dog doo from my shoe sole, a fake claim of rational non-fallacy, and a fake Virgin Mary outline on a piece of toast, given the right lighting conditions.

After all, this is the age of faking… we have to be prepared.

Our peers, children, neighbors, government and media work hard to ensure that we see enough fakeness everyday to acquire sufficient fake-sensing, personal radars.

I mean, just imagine how much fake-ological evolution had to take place in order for us to get to the point we humans have reached today. How many of our ancestors had to ooh and aahh at the seeming miracle of toupees, drop jaw at the magician who cut a woman in two, fear death and anguish for coveting a neighbor’s really cool four-wheel drive before we could recognize the bright orange hue of a FAKE sun tan?

Yes. We should be much better at spotting fakes by now.

In a time of fake fantasies, fake fur, fake beef, fake weapons, fake Rolexes, fake teeth, fake evidence, fake IDs, fake memoirs, fake lips, fake Louis Vuitton bags…
We should definitely know better…

BUT, I sincerely hope we haven’t learned yet.

And, I say this because, I myself, am on the verge of embarking on an adventure of “faking,” and I whole-heartedly hope that nobody notices.

I have just moved to a new city and taken a new job for which I feel myself completely unqualified.

If anyone spots this fake in the act of faking, I will be pressed to conclude that the theory of fake-ological evolution is indeed true.

19 comments:

Cap'n Rich said...

-c, You are stressing me out. I'm begining to wonder if you are a real Platypus or a fakeoloigal.

About The Virgin Mary; the only way to tell for real is for you to send me the toast so that I can have sex with it and see what pops up in nine months.

Where where where are you? What what what are you doing?

Just close your eyes and FAKE It,BABY, FAKE it! Ahhhh. See...fools me every time. You can do it!

The real Cap'n Rich

Cap'n Rich said...

I wish to apologize for my above comment. It was both insensative and insulting. I have no excuse. Trash like that just seems to pop out of me now and then.

I'll refrain from making any comments in the future and even quit reading your posts too if you wish.

My deepest, deepest regrets.

Bye,

$

dingobear said...

-c, congratulations on your new job and the move to a new city! I know you'll be amazing at faking it there. (BTW, what's the new job?)

Best of luck to you on this new adventure.

And great post, as always.

:-)

-c said...

cap'n rich- You know me well enough to know that I more frequently offensive than offended :) And, to clear up any misunderstandings: I am not The Platypus. The Platypus merely speaks through me on occasion :) And Cap'n, how's the book coming?

dingobear- The job is teaching teachers to teach through teaching. After spending 100 hours listening to me ramble and watching me perform acts of contortion, the students are given an accreditted TEFL Certification. It's a fun gig. And actually, I'm not having to fake as much as I feared. Hope things are going swimmingly across the pond!

Cap'n Rich said...

You're too kind, -c. I'm an obnoxious creep and you know it. Oh well..., thanks anyhow for making me feel better.

You're teaching teachers how to teach! Aw man,that sounds right up your alley. I'd love to sit in on those classes via of video tape. I'm thinking you could sell a whole passel of said tapes on the cable network, "Pedagoguery Gone WILD!" heh, heh.

My book writing biz has hit a mental block. I need to re-write the last chapter. I've edited the damn thing until I almost have it memorized. I've been blocked hor two ar three months now.

I run on. Thanks for asking. You're my secret sweetie pie.

frustrated writer said...

Somehow, I suspicion, you will do fine in any endeavor you tackle. Aside from your obvious intelligence and your quickest of wits, I sense a power of self confidence in you that will get you through any challenge. You go girl!

As for faking it... if they folks who are being faked to are no more the wiser, then they are happy, you are relieved, and the mission was accomplished.

Congrats on the new job! I hope it won't interfere with your blogging!

Yeah, I'm a selfish SOB...sigh.

Cap'n Rich said...

-c, Where are you? Is anything wrong? We need to know. Our fingernails are down to the knuckles. Let us hear from you.

Frustrated Writer said...

So did the new job require you to have a lobotomy? Give up your typing digits? Go without a computer in an effort to demonstrate your piety towards all things natural?

In other words...

Where the hell are you and when will you feed us some more of your classic wit and writing? We're starving here!

Winston said...
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~Joe said...
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Winston said...
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~Joe said...
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