Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Waterbed Fantasy

Everyone has fantasies.
It's true.
Even your mousy librarian in junior high (who used to wear odd apparel that clashed like elephant tusks with humus and couscous, who used to purr in ecstasy when she hammered a book card with her little stamp) had a fantasy of desire that plagued her every shelving day. And I'd be a prude if I didn't mention that it probably involved talking dirty poetry, a parking cone and a few vats of hibiscus juice and office supplies. But I trigress…

I, too, have an unrelenting fantasy. It's one that began chiseling itself into perfection when I was a ripe young teenager and first saw a waterbed in the house of the 16-year old anarchist boy I had a crush on.

But, you can stop reading now, because this particular waterbed fantasy, though involving a degree of moistness, is far from sexual and certainly involves the harming of no gerbils, curious snakes or even vacuums with low self esteems.
It goes something like this:
I approach the waterbed. I pull out a nail, or an ice pick or a vampire tooth or Goliath's sewing needle or a piece of a shattered German beer mug and go on a serial mattress-stabbing binge. Once I've poked a sufficient amount of holes, I toss something really heavy on the bed (a led-filled conch shell attached to a small-framed sumo wrestler), and sit back and bask in the beauty of my self-created fountain from which water flies in all directions, and transparent, liquid rainbows lick and slobber on all of the bedroom furniture. Ah, yes… a truly beautiful vision…

(Explanation: I was reminded of this silly childhood fantasy today, only because it's exactly what I'd like to do this evening. Only, I'd like to replace the waterbed with the clouds over this city in Japan.)
Let it rain!


Winston said...

Do a raindance. Maybe you'll get your wish.

Rabin said...

Hey Tigress, Why not just use your teeth and claws :P

frustratedwriter said...

I once had the same fantasy about a Stretch Armstrong toy. I was sorely disappointed to find out he was filled with red goo that oozed instead of spurting. Such a disappointment.

AliceBabylon said...

Hey you can have Okinawa's rain. We broke records this month.

-c said...

So, Winston- I did the rain dance.
and r.- I used my teeth (unfortunately I'm a claw-biting tigress so they weren't much help)
alicebabylon- I took you up on your offer of Okinawa's rain and
IT'S BEEN POURING ALL DAY! Good work, soldiers!
frustratedwriter- my brother and I once cut open two squishy nerf balls and were bummed to find that they were fake: silicon inplants! Isn't that always a let-down?

bertissimo said...

i slept on a waterbed once with dion, her room was all purple.

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