Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Surrealism in the Spa

I think I've caught something pretty severe.
Luckily, though,
I can't pass it on to anyone through naked spanking in the sack.

I've caught
a Reoccurring Theme in my life.
It's the I'm-constantly-being-abducted-and-dropped-into-surreal-worlds-
and-then-spit-out-again-only-to-feel-like-I've-been-sucking-pipe-with-
Edgar-Allen-Poe-for-either-ten-minutes-or-ten-years Theme.

So, there we were...
three enormous, sweat-melting foreigners in the midst of grandfathers in yukatas at a village festival.
Out of ecological respect for the environment, we decided to dive into the free public bath house on the main square. You know... to prevent our bodies from releasing any more pungeant toxins into the clean, country air...

And that's when I realized I'd gotten the "Magically Unreal Experience Disease".

I bowed through the curtain with the kanji for 'woman' and passed through the gate into a psychadelic world worthy of an Asimov novel. Or a Tom Waitts song...
Before my eyes could adjust to the sulfur-scented haze, I was surrounded by a flock of nine Japanese women who cooed "little sister" at me and sang what I can only describe as a hip hop-cum-gospel Sirens' Song.
I undressed and floated over to the hotspring pool where women with multiple stomachs poured bowls of water over me.
Then, they led me into a cauldron of boiling water that no sentient being should ever enter
unless they plan on becoming stew...
or roasted foreigner on a stick
with lightly toasted rice balls on the side....

It was kind of like entering a Salvador Dali painting when you are expecting to go to the zoo and see panda bears and monkeys throwing feces...

But, anyway...
I've frequented Japanese public baths (onsens) for about three years now,
and this is the first time I have ever thought:
"Hey, maybe I'm not just some scraggly-haired girl from California... Maybe..just maybe... I'm the roast pig at the annual county fair..."

6 comments:

Rabin said...

Umm..if you were in boiling water...how could you be a roast pig? Boiled is more like it :P

I envy you, I hardly get boiled anymore..

Zahra said...

I love that image of the women with 'multiple stomachs'!

L said...

I love your posts! They are always fun and odd...

frustratedwriter said...

I had this surreal experience where I was reading a normal blog and then floated over here to read yours...a most excellent experience

-c said...

r.- It's true! But..you never know what they had in store for me after the boiling..:)

zahra- I couldn't be sure, but I think they had multiple breasts hiding in there too!

l- Cheers! I definitely can't deny being odd :)

frustratedwriter- yeah, I was once sitting in seriousness and then floated to your blog, and suddenly laughter kidnapped me!

Anonymous said...

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