Sunday, September 18, 2005

Pesce outta Aqua

If I were an animal, I'd be a fish.
And, if I were a fish, I'd live in the water.

But, if I were a fish last Friday night, I woulda been flopping around, bread-crumbing myself in dust on a wash-board dirt road as cacti and blue-bellied lizards watched on and giggled.

Yes, I was a Fish outta Water, floundering in petty conversations about wedding cakes and bridesmaid gowns.
My gills wheezed as wheezing girls whined about travesties of universal significance.

("LIKE, OMG, I TOTALLY packed inappropriately for this trip! LIKE, I brought ALL of my glittery halter tops, 6 pairs of shoes, but, LIKE, no sweatshirts! Like, if I'da known it was colder than L.A. in the mountains, I TOTALLY woulda brought my new Kashmire sweater! Like, GOD, I am SO lame!")

I tried to propel myself with my fins towards a small puddle alongside a martini glass,
but my attempts were futile...

("Like, -c, who is YOUR all-time favorite wedding dress designer? I TOTALLY love **insert unheard-of, austentatious, French name**'s work! It's SO gorgeous!)

A fourth wedding magazine was opened,
and my mantra was silently repeated for the thirtieth time:

"Oh Poseiden, Great God of the Sea,
let death come swiftly,
Go on!- just chilly-pepper and souffle me!"

In all fairness, I had a great time. I mean, really, what better way for a beached fish to go out than in a jacuzzi with an eclectic group of T.V. show hosts and scantilly-clad models...?


Nicole said...

How on earth did you get there?? Alien kidnapping? hostage taken during a robbery? a rent in the time-warp continuum?

-c said...

While I do suspect there were some very unearthly forces at play...., it really just came down to: You know one architect who knows another who knows some people who know some people... and suddenly, you're drinking peppermint schnapps and oggling Javier the gardener....

The Ingrown Hare said...


frustratedwriter said...

man, nothing exciting like this happens in Texas.

L said...

I love your posts. I just had to tell you that

-c said...

frustratedwriter- - c'mon now..! I heard talk of glamourous interviews with celebs, fast cars and cotton-candy beauties!

L- made my day. Always a pleasure getting a compliment from someone whose writing style is pure inspiration :)

Zahra said...

Heh heh heh! Just got back from Barcelona - it was great to catch up on your blog. Made me split my sides laughing as always! :-D