Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Hockey Enlightenment

It's not breaking news.
Or glorified mandarine-orange press.
In fact, it's a universal truth that's been backed up by statisticians, philosophers, and scientists for centuries. Pythagoras proposed it first, Darwin discussed it in his 'Theories of Adaptive Sports Enthusiasts', and Freud eluded to it once when chatting with his mother over tea...

It's the non-arguable FACT that some people are just not cut out to be effective competitive sports fans.

And I'm here to admit that I'm one of those genetically pre-disposed souls who has never been able to convincingly cheerlead for an organized sports team. (I know, I know... I've pretended to passionately support the USC Trojans, I've clenched my fists while watching the Colts make that field goal, and I've even worn a Charlotte Hornets hat because I liked the color scheme...) But... I just have never had it in me to be the kind of die-hard groupie a professional sports team merchaniser hopes for...

But, somehow, this psychological, sports team-supporting ineptitude vanished last night. My friends took me to see my first live hockey game EVER, and it was truly awesome! (... I know it's hard to believe, but the experience honestly goes up there on the list beside partner-caressed orgasms, poetry-writing in the desert, and arriving in a foreign airport without a plan).

I was one of only four other people in our section NOT wearing a Kings jersey. I was the only one who looked like a reckless, rhythm-less retard when the announcer called for organized rally-clapping, and I was certainly stupidly verbose enough to repeatedly reveal my lack of knowledge about the players on the ice.

Despite all of this, though... I had a wickedly amazing time!

And, I attribute all of it to what Freud might have called the 'natural human tendency towards collective partying'. There's just something inherently heart-justifying about jumping up and screaming exuberantly at the exact same time as thousands of other people do the same.

Who knew that a geezer psychologist years ago could prophesize my imminent acceptance of organized sports...

I've officially seen the light and accepted sports-team fanaticism as my lord and savior.
Have you?

9 comments:

frustratedwriter said...

i worship a lesser god, a college sports team although the Dallas Stars totally rock! I love hockey and to see a perfectly executed body check administered to a member of the opposing team provides enough pleasure that cigarettes need to be smoked afterwards.

glad you love the warriors on ice

Nicole said...

Another convert to the greatest sport on ice! Hooray! All across Canada, fellow hockey nuts are standing up and cheering for you, throwing in an "eh" or two as the see fit.

Damn, you should have seen the World Juniors in Vancouver over New Year's. They were beautiful. Good hits, gorgeous passing, and some fine looking goals. Wait till you see a junior level game -- even better than the NHL.

There's a reason we have a song that goes, "the good old hockey game is the best game you can name..."

dingobear said...

Testify, -c, testify! When you watch hockey on TV, it's pretty good like a lot of other sports but when you see hockey live, it's the greatest game in the world.

Dunzo said...

We humans need something to keep our brains occupied; I guess sports is better than some things but it still leaves me unsatisfied y'all.

-c said...

frustrated- Yeah, witnessing two bodies collide at high speeds can have that effect. I can imagine how you'd have to disguise your euphoric explosion of happiness in public though..or things could get sticky...

nicole- Yup, I did it all for my eh-saying neighbors! I'd I'd do it again, only I'm having second thoughts now that you're rapidly chasing us onto the ice of poor politics...

dingobear- oh, I'm testifyin' alright! In fact, hopefully I'll testify my way to another game soon!

dunzo- yeah, I'm not going out to buy matching Kings socks and headband quite yet, but it was good fun!

scooby said...

my first live game was in d.c. as the washington capitols celebrated puck night....now there's a brilliant marketing idea, free pucks for 15000 beer-swilling civilians...

-c said...

scott- yeah, it's always a good show when you hand out heavy hurlable objects to drunks. If we could cunningly lead our enemy out onto the ice, we'd have a fail-proof puck ambush without casualties!

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