Friday, March 17, 2006

Good-Guy, Bad-Guy, Love-to-Hate Hypothesis

Oh yes...
Bold defiance poking indignant talons at the faceless "them"...
Raging despondency sticking its tongue out from its foaming mouth at the pillars of "normalcy"...

Yes, these are some of the great things in life; these are some of those wondrous marvels that allow us to feel vulnerably alive... the things that let us voice adament public condemnation while simultaneously feeling secret admiration behind closed doors...

I mean, honestly, who doesn't disguisedly love a clever and ingenious villain or a sagacious art thief who takes off with a Monet, using nothing but brilliant cunning and a stick of bubble gum? ... or a modern-day Robin Hood who hacks into the military spending fund, using an orange peel, a rusty antenna and 49 spearment-flavored toothpicks?

Deny it if you will (-- I won't ask you to take a loss on your social credit report points --) but..., we all love a good, old-fashioned Stick-it-to-the-man Trojan Tale every once in a while.

I guess, maybe, that's why I was glued to the doofus tube yesterday, watching FOX News cover a high-speed car chase through Los Angeles. While I clenched my cavities and furrowed my never-once-plucked eyebrows at the reckless speeding and deplorable endangerment of innocent lives, there was some cavernously camouflaged whisper (... probably residing in my rebellious Achilles wedding-ring finger with all those wanderlust parasites and self-destructive, tite-rope-walking, membrane-depleted, nomadic white cells...) that said: "Go Mr. Car Thief! Left at the next corner, and you'll lose them coppers!"

But..., later on in the evening, I learned that the leading role in the Breaking News attraction (the pimped-out Chevy SUV with flashy rims, cable TV, GPS, X-BOX and atmospheric pressure-Stabilizer) was my friend's stolen vehicle that had chauffeured me to dinner and karaoke not three weeks before!

Suddenly, I was cursing what had once been exciting shots fired at the rear window, hexing the once romantic, joint-toking, hot-wiring bandit, and praising LoJack.

Though, it's an age-old lesson, it's one human nature seems to always blank on when Exam time rolls around... Face it- it's easy to love things until they directly attack you or your loved ones, and it's a pleasure to hate things until they pat you on the back and give you a candycane and a kiss.
(Hey, afterall... 1st Amendment rights are all rainbows and puppy dogs until the grandma-mutilating, Mother Theresa-fisting, elephant cock-bearing 12-year-old gymnast-impaling Nazi Oil-coholic Militants get their protest permit!)

But..., that being said..., I'll still be a rapid page-turner if any genius diamond thieves decide to publish their authority-outwitting memoirs of clever deception and criminal successes!

And, hey, the only reason most of us live in LA anyway is to have local coverage of all the car chases!


dingobear said...

I would like to point out that the only modern-day Robin Hood who could possibly hack into the military fund using only an orange peel, antenna and spearmint toothpicks is MacGyver. Where is he when we need him most?

Happy St. Pat's!

Cap'n Rich said...

So that's it. I thought it was only me. Let's pull off a heist together. You be the brains. I'll be muscle.

frustratedwriter said...

Man, the only exciting thing to ever happen in my small town is two dogs getting hung up in the middle of the intersection. Thrilling, huh?

Anonymous said...

I'm left with how it must be cool to live in a city with a rampant car chase problem.

-c said...

dingobear- I used to LOVE MacGyver! I'm still convinced I can get out with a frozen piece of liver if I ever get stuck in the freezer!

cap'n rich- I'm in! We may want to get a back-up for the Brains role, but I trust you for the muscle!

frustrated- hey, I've seen dogs do more interesting things than speeding cars!I'll trade ya intersections!

Anonymous- I don't know how rampant it really is.. I just know that the media seems to love to cover it :)