Friday, March 10, 2006

Suckers and Paint

Finger painting has to be one of my all-time favourite pastimes. There's nothing quite like walking up to the visceral gates of artistic orgasm with your hands swamped in raw color and earthy clay-like goop squishing between your fingers...

It just can't really be beat- (... even with a weasel-tail whip or a ceremonial bamboo stick)...

So, why am I inclined NOW to write about this finger-friendly, raw and primordial channel to the divine?

Well... because I just completed a lovely finger-painted piece that, I believe, deserves high accolades for its unlikely and brilliant choice of artistic medium.

--No--, I didn't just rub vomit into a rabbit hide or smear shit all over a canvass, and step back to smile at my workmanship....

But..., ACTUALLY, that's not too far from the truth...

You see, I had first peed conventionally into my mom's toilet bowl and flushed, when I noticed that the water was still continuously running...
So, as one does,
I removed the lid of the toilet holding tank and discovered that the crucial suction sucker, plunger-lookin' thing-a-ma-bob of the flapper was weak and reluctant to properly suck...

And as I tried to coax it back into its sucking vocation, I discovered the bounteous black-orange rusty silth that had accumulated at the base of the tank...

And, wow! what could be better for finger painting than this pasty grime?! (... Had plumbing existed back in the age of Salamancan Cave Life, I'm sure those wall paintings of buffaloes would have been even more alive...!)

With my hands bathed in mamma's neglected sediment-shit-tank ink, I grabbed the first, flat-surfaced disposable item I saw in bathroom sight (a 1970's cut-out foam shoe inlay- probably used as some hiking boot design for my father's first outdoor gear company) and dove into artistic misplay and unsupervised finger painting...

And, so I composed and completed the "Bowl-rusted Soul-shocked Beauty on Blue Foam Foot" (Bids on eBay start at $35 for this creative rendition of a catapulted stick figure trapped in a multi-colored footprint, representative of the loneliness of lavatory life)...

It seems that my mom and I will be trying to install a new fill valve and flapper in the toilet this evening, as I secretly await the big bucks that will inevitably pour in after the release of my first Finger-painted Toilet Sludge Exhibition: Solitude, Synergy and Sink Scum.

*Have you checked the sediment in YOUR local toilet holding tank for colorful, artistically-usable paints lately? You'de be surprised what gifts rusted pipes and apathetic plungers can bring!

7 comments:

dingobear said...

I think I speak for everyone when I say: "yum."

frustratedwriter said...

i'm surprised the sucker sucking device didn't supply you with a healthy dose of black deteriorating rubber substance to give your piece a little contrast. Good luck on the plumbing and remember to plumb safely and with the proper equipment... like droopy pants to expose the proper plumber's moon.

senor puppet said...

hey,

i think you oughta take a picture and post it! it's not really fair to talk about that stuff and not show it!

Cap'n Rich said...

Stunbled on your blog for the first time today and it has to be this one...the last thing I needed was another blog to read but you got me now. :)

Nico said...

It sounds like you are turning into a useful person to have around, as well being entertaining and slightly nuts. Hmmmm...

Anonymous said...

...he said nuts...hehehe

-c said...

dingobear- yup..nothing like toilet scum for delicious edible fingerpainting!

frustratedwriter- Yeah, it's always tough to find that perfect amount of exposed crack- not too much, not too little...

senor puppet- it's true, but I fear in this case, a pic might shatter my artistic credibility

cap'n rich- Welcome! If you're into the toilet talk, I've got quite a blogging history of lavatory debates and discussions...

nico and anonymous- Oh, so now you're siding with the first three medical opinions I got that pegged me certifyable...!