Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Door-to-door Redemption

With the daily nagging atrocities of our misguided Administration, the commercialization of humor, the replacement of love letters by text messages, and the exponential super-sizing of life's simple truths..., it's sometimes a matter of heavy weed-wacking and muscle-soaring sludge-removal to get to the essence of things...

That's why it's always so refreshingly grin-grabbing when we actually encounter things that still retain their originally inherent elements of purity...

And, that's why today I'd like to give thanks for one thing that, Thank the Cosmos, still remains sacred in this country. And, that is
the Integrity of the door-to-door Salesman (-- or "salesperson" if you're the type who prefers "person-hole" to "manhole"--)

I just had a lovely exchange with a bubbly young girl, selling window cleaner. It went something like this:

Bubbly Girl: Well, HEY there, girl!!
Me: Uh... hey there.
Bubbly Girl: Is your mom or dad home?
Me: Nope. My mom's probably at work, and my dad lives on a sailboat in Europe.
Bubbly Girl: Whoa! That's some crazy stuff! GEERL, how old are you?
Me: Uh... 27.
Bubbly Girl: DAAMN, girl! YOU lookin GOOOD! C'mon- give it up!
(* Bubbly Girl extends upright palm and I tap it "five")
Bubbly Girl: So, check THIS out!
(* Bubbly Girl takes out a blue marker, draws a line across her white towel and proceeds to scrub it with the aid of her "window cleaner")
Bubbly Girl: Betchu've never seen no window cleaner do THIS before!
(* Bubbly Girl shakes her booty to non-existent beats and the white towel takes on a light blue goopy tinge)
Me: Uh.. nice.
Bubbly Girl: Hell YEAH, that's nice!
(* another enthusiastic extended palm and another "five"-giving)
Bubbly Girl: Just imagine what it can do with coffee stains, red wine, water marks and shower grime... you know what I'm sayin?!
(* Bubbly Girl then - NO JOKE - takes a suck on the nozzle of her spray bottle and..)
Bubbly Girl: It's DAMN good with chicken too!
Me: hee hee..mmm...
Bubbly Girl: So you wanna get you some of this?
Me: uh... I don't think we really need it...
Bubbly Girl: Alright then.
(* Bubbly Girl does one last little music-less hip-shaking performance for the road)
Me: But, good luck to you! Try my neighbor's place!

To be honest, I feel like I should have bought some of her sugar water, if only to thank her for brightening my day, and re-instilling some nebulous crumb of humanity... That, AND, I wish every salesman would dance and high-five with such inhibition... What a marvelous world that would be...

("We have this fine flatscreen available for only $640 - would you like to see my break-dancing moves?")


frustratedwriter said...

That's some crazy stuff! GEERL, you sure know how to tickle my funnybone, you know what I'm saying? I love door to door salespeople and only regret I don't have a hungry doberman to introduce them to. Thanks for the chuckle!

dingobear said...


dingobear said...

Follow-up comment: it's about time somebody brought back the high-five. Do I hear ten, anyone?

Anonymous said...

Anybody remember long distance air fives?