Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Simulated Me and Indecent Pee

Two sixteen a.m.
I bobby-pin my hair up, leave a small clump of greased split ends to line the spine of my nose, and put my pompodour wig on. I freckle my cheeks with a mixture of watermarks attained from a neighbor's car windshield and paper voids acquired from a local copy shop's hole punch. I wriggle into the quilted outfit a peyote-eating curandero made for me from patches of space-time and discarded chicle wrappers, and wiggle my toes to make sure that my lightly-salted, seaweed pantyhose won't run when I tiptoe.
And, off I go into the night.

Sometimes I sit under trees, chatting with bark beetles. Other times, I patrol the night sky, wondering if it's the smog or the confetti in my kaleidoscope that impairs my vision of others like me...

...ok, fine... so, I don't really do this. But I DO often find myself doing mental jumping jacks in imaginary and fantastical worlds (... perhaps currently reading this and this doesn't help much!), and I DO often catch myself creativity twisting and fictionalizing real(?)ity around me... Just for fun, you know..., and to keep my pitcher filled with freshly-squeezed muse-juice (which by the way, despite a few reports to the contrary, is no longer sold at twenty-four hour pawn shops).

And we all do it sometimes. We all re-define the world around us and create snapshots of made-up truths to fit in with our perceptions of the way things are, the way things might be, or the way it-would-be-really-fun-and-trippy-if-they-were.

So, I've made up quite a few half-truth, fictional identities for myself (thanks, Philbrick for recently posting about this odd phenomenon).

So, I've got blogger "-c", customer-service "-c", MySpace "-c", third-person journal "-c", hi-grandma! "-c", love-impermeable "-c", goofy "-c", pussy-cat "-c", hell-no-I-won't-put-my-commas-inside-my-quotation-marks "-c", etc.

And, now, thanks to a good blogging buddy (who has never met me in person or seen a picture of me),...

I have virtual, Simulated "-c"! And, I'm hot! Check me out here. I am the "Mysterious Stranger" in the 9th picture down who apparently likes to piss in her own front yard.

12 comments:

L said...

are you more exciting than the real you? I keep wondering if I am....

:)

dingobear said...

Haha, hi -c. The staff at starfish and waffles just want to say we're delighted to have had the privilege of providing you with another fictional identity - the one-and-only, hot, virtual, simulated -c! I can only hope that simulated -c becomes everything you dreamed the simulated you would ever become :)

Cap'n Rich said...

The poetry of your word combinations are haunting. Are you trying to do that. I think it comes natural to you.

I always have to read your stuff twice, nay three times, before I'm sure I don't understand it.

I remain speechless.

Philbrick said...

The likeness is pretty good, though you will have to explain at some point what that toilet is doing there.
If all the -c's come together and merge, perhaps we will se some sort of cyborg-c, with machine guns and laser-vision and all that other stuff. Yep, not only did I just write that, I'm about to hit "publish."

Frustrated Writer said...

wow, startling! who knew you were a mysterious stranger who totes toilets to targeted trespassing targets?

Dunzo said...

This blog has a little different feel to it. I can only surmize that your synapsis were all firing in unison as part of a fabulous orchestra of streaming thought. That's kinda what it sounds like anyways.

`8^)

The Ingrown Hare said...

Post something...

Frustrated Writer said...

okay I am officially concerned. you go animation on us, do a little peeing on the side and then you disappear? what's up with that?

Cap'n Rich said...

-c just left a comment on my blog. She's alive people! Here,here! I'll bet she posts soon!!!!

Dunzo said...

Fingerz crossed!

Nico said...

And you posted demands on my blog, begging for a new posting??

Kuntry Konfession said...

then by gawd! we must form the "piss in own yard club!" wooohoooo!