Friday, April 15, 2005

MS: Development of New Religion

So, I'm pretty sure now that I'm ready to start my own religion. I've finally taken and passed most of the pre-requisite classes. The easiest course, by far was “Analysis and Implementation of the Seven Techniques of Bar-patron Persuasion”. (In fact, my professor even claimed last night that he was finally pursuaded to see, in a simple cylinder of hops and yeast, SEVEN micro-cosmic visions of the universe -all represented in the form of seven identical glasses- ). Now, if that's not mastery of religious persuasion, then just call me the illegitimate son of Sancho Panza!
I also kicked ass in: “Theories of Modern Illogical Rationale”, and “Brainwashing the Non-critical mind”.
But, the most difficult, intense and pride-worthy seminar I conquered with flying colors was: “Affective Avenues of convincing your boss that the Happiness of all his Employees hinges on Your getting more Vacation Time”... That "A" is definitely going at the top of my c.v./resume!
The reason I bring this up (aside from my plan to start my own subservient, religious cult following) is because I had a beautiful and philosophical discussion yesterday with my boss. (… well as beautiful and philosophical as any discussion can be when the two contributing conversationalists cannot speak each other's language and are constantly interrupted by their own gorilla-like, dramatic gesturing and verbose circumnavigation of words). The conversation went something like this:

Boss: “So. We in Japan are like ants.”
Me: “OK..”
Boss: “We work very hard all seasons but sometimes get cold.”
Me: “Ok...”
Boss: “But you… You are like the….”
(a lot of gesturing, picture-drawing, and hopping up and down…)
Me: "A slinky?"
Boss: "No. -well, maybe on Saturday nights-" (more charades..)
Me: “A grasshopper??”
Boss (consulting a dictionary): “Yes! The grasshopper is very happy but works only one out of four seasons. For most of the year, the grasshopper just hops around, enjoying the beauty of the world. And, he rarely gets cold. But, still, all ants envy the grasshopper's happiness.”
Me: “Oh. And the ant?”
Boss: “He constantly works very long and hard hours and thinks his work everyday makes him very happy.”
Me: “Happy?”
Boss: “Yes….. But, I don't know if it's really happiness….”
Me: “Oh.”
Boss: “I worked like an ant for many years so that I could live like a grasshopper now. And now I am very happy.”
Me: “I see…”
Boss: “But you… you started as a grasshopper… “
Me: “Uh huh…”
Boss: “But, we just don't do it like that in Japan.”
Me: “Oh. I'm sorry.”
Boss: “No, I'm sorry.” (translation: please enjoy your free vacation days allotted to you under new bureaucratic words, and you DAMN WELL better have something interesting to share with everyone when you get back!)

Yippeee!! I passed my course! When can I start my own religion, mommy?


Winston said...

"Blinded by the light..." Your new background color looks great. In the low light of this PC bhang though I had to squint.

PS. What's the tithe for that new religion of yours? Christians take 10% of your income or they'd like to. What's this tribe's name anyway?!

-c said...

Don't like the white myself, but, with so many sermons, who's got time to change it...?

How about Truthianity plus Redemptiality...? harr-no-harr. Any ideas?

Winston said...

How 'bout The Heretical Harlots? Sounds like an underground chick punk band but maybe that suits ya!