Thursday, June 02, 2005

God's Crush on an Atheist

(God blogs sometimes when others are being sarcastic and he's feeling down...:)

I got the blues. I got 'em real bad.
I'm in love with a girl. A girl who doesn't even believe I exist.

Her crooked, crescent grin is more delicious in its fecundity than Adam's first rib, and her parted, slender legs make me wish my publishers had edited out that Red Sea bit from my closet of skeletal shrapnel. And when I see the jealous wind off the ocean comb her long hair back like a narrow canyon does, I feel an insatiable guilt over my condemning verdict in the Solomon case. Yes, she is truly the most magnificent and beautiful creature in my creative portfolio!

But, damn, does she piss me off sometimes. For example, on our first date, when darkness was upon the face of the deep, and there was still some formless void, she said, “I got it,” and hit the light switch. I mean, what?, does she think God doesn't have feelings and pride too?!

But, still, love is irrational. I would carve myself into a giant, salt Pokemon sculpture for just one glimpse, over my shoulder, of her radiance!

But, then she goes and does something like eat shell fish! Or she claims that my resume/c.v. was plagiarized off some Quack named Evolutionary Science. Or she covets her neighbor's mountain bike while babbling on about how unethical slavery is. I mean…, it just makes me crazy!

But, then… it takes only a few moments of passion beneath the firmament for me to forgive. Even her insistence that we call the firmament the “sky” doesn't bother me anymore.

I'm in love with a girl.
I just wish I could get her to believe I exist.

(cue final blues bass line and harmonica)


Rabin said...

Ain't nothin like the blues to get a man or God thinkin..

(ok gonna look up the word fecundity)

Keep em coming!!

frustratedwriter said...

I absolutely loved this piece. Really needed the laugh tonight. Thanks!