Thursday, January 19, 2006

Celebrating Unblogged Secrets Revealed

Today, all kinds of peeps are coming together to celebrate.
Everyone who's anyone will be here!
Afterall, it's the 1 year and 2 day anniversary of this blog: Up the Creek without a Platypus!

I know for a fact that gnomes of all (well, quite a few, at least) socio-economic backgrounds are on their way. Three nationally-recognized coalitions of retired military nymphs are currently catching the bus in L.A., a few of the most respected aardvark advisors will be arriving shortly (after they pick up their pre-packaged Blind Dates on the corner by Paco's Taqueria), and, within the hour, a gaggle of gargantuan gastro-philanthropists from the United Front of Genital Protection and Geographic Insemination will be arriving (just a tip: don't ask them what they do until both you and they have consumed no fewer than 6 dirty martinis).

Then, the party will begin! First a quick, get-you-ready set by the screaming peacocks of an Ohai, California local. Then, the tell-tale wing-flapping of recently-immigrated So 'Cal parrots, and a bit of drumming by my mother's own opossom pals from the attic.

Then, after the dance-invoking, rhythm-expounding gala subsides, we'll calm for a short yet sincere speech, tears and memories:

"One year and two days ago today (sniff, sniff), I was one year and two days younger than I am today. And so was the Sphinx. And the Kelloggs company. And this blog was but a fledgling with nothing but a silly title I intended to change but never did. (sniff) I was living in Japan, had just gotten my first computer EVER, and wanted to learn to write creatively in front of a screen as opposed to a bar napkin. (pass me a Kleenex- this is too much!.. and I wanna jot down some thoughts!) I was mourning the loss of a best friend to soy and cornfields and I (oh, I can't say it!) was realizing that I no longer had the vocabulary or ability to articulate myself in my native language (sniff) without the use of Japanese bows, grunts, head-tilts, and (yes, it's true!) complicated sucking-air-through-teeth maneuvers. So I (sniff, sniff) conceived this Blog Baby to fill the emptiness. And, oh what indescribable pleasure she has given me throughout the year! (whaa!!)

Once tears and wails subside, it will be time for the dirty, behind-the-scenes, never-before-told, unblogged secrets of Up the Creek without a Platypus to be revealed...:

I'm actually not a 27 year-old, female English teacher.
I'm actually a 59 year-old, male, retired schoolbus driver.
I like drinking beer at the demolition derby, sleeping late, and sharing sunsets by my kiddy pool. I'm looking for a like-minded, pre-pubescent girl who's funny, sexy and smart, can enjoy a good boy-band tune, likes to shop for trendy friendship necklaces and who, when grounded by the "'rents", paints anarchy symbols on her backpack.
If you think you're her, please give me a call.
(if my old lady answers, just say you're with the propane inspectors.)

Up the Creek: Happy 1 year and 2 day Anniversary!


Rabin said...


(boy wasn't that original?)

dingobear said...

Happy Anniversary, -c!

Sorry, I'm not the girl you're looking for but for what it's worth, I do think your wife is hot!

The Ingrown Hare said...

'WOOT WOOT!' is what I say mimicing the language of the streets.

And Cheerio too!!!

senor puppet said...

hey, you bee giving inspiration to us 50-something retired busdrivers looking for a new career to see out the golden years, keep up the good work!
your blog rocks!

senor puppet said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
frustratedwriter said...

suddenly my plan of little smokies and Coronas seems sort of bland. Now I will have to think hard about my blogaversary party.

I hope the aardvark guys were a hoot.

Happy blogaversary to one of my favorite blog writers who keeps me laughing.

Nicole said...

Here's to 1 year and 2 days of thoroughly enjoyed diversions from such niggling, pestering duties like work. Keep it up or I may have to become a dedicated professional of some kind, and I am not sure my constitution could handle it...
Great talking to you Saturday! love ya babe! Sadly, I am no longer pubescent, and will have to admit I am unable to fulfill your needs.

-c said...

Thanks for the Blogaversary wishes everyone!
Unfortunately, I haven't found the girl for me yet. Feel free to pass my profile on to anyone's younger sister.