Monday, February 27, 2006

Olympic Occasions and Evasions

So, I wasn't a very dedicated fan of this year's Winter Olympics…. In fact, I kind of feel like I let down half of the citizens of Italy with my pathetic Petri-dish support (“Eh Georgio! Canna you believa we hadda one less aviewer of California thisa year!? Don't tella momma-- she will cry this year's awine harvest into molto big salty puddle!”)

I DID tune in, however, to watch the little cutie snowboarder, Sean White propel himself just two and a half feet short of orbit. (I guess when you're 19 years old, it's way cooler to rebel against physics than get a lip-piercing these days…).
I also caught a few moments of the “(insert random string of numbers) meter, elliptical-track, ice-skating race”. I quite enjoyed the intellectual stimulation this event brought me. I spent the whole time mentally calculating the precise ratios of the competitors' body weight distributions. (Now, if that Swiss dude were an ant, could he carry 40 times or only 10 times his weight in lower calves??)
Plus, I did get a few minutes in watching the off-the-ice reality show between those artsy, figure-skating “dancing” couples. I didn't much care for the event itself, but I was truly applauding and yelling my approval at the television when the couples stepped off the ice. They gave each other the iciest cold shoulders and subtle butt-flicks that screamed “I can't believe you dropped me in front of all those people on the greatest night of my life!” and “Well… if you weren't such a fat-ass!...”)

Other than that, I didn't get much more viewing. But, my brother and I DID managed to watch a few moments of the closing ceremony… (To be honest, we had no idea what was going on…)

Brother: OK, I think that opera singer's vibrato represents patriotism and international sportsmanship.
-c: Yeah, but what are those Canadians doing out there, stacking up giant sugar cubes in white robes?
Brother: I don't know… An amalgamatic rendition of The Blue Man Troupe does toddler Avont-guardianism….?
-c: …Plus Avril Lavign for color…? And those women in wedding dresses…? Clearly, symbols of purity and the inherent global trend towards ball-and-chain-ism, right?
Brother: …got me….
-c: Yeah, me too… What else is on?

Aesop probably has a little fable to illustrate the moral here, though I'm not sure what is… But I think he'd put it something like this: It's easy to criticize and poke fun at what you, yourself cannot do.

Afterall, I can't carry even twice my body weight in baby cows, and my feet are certainly too big to borrow Avril's high heels….

7 comments:

frustratedwriter said...

I am totally into criticizing that which I cannot do... because when the inevitable question comes, "Do ya think you can do better?" I can say, "Sure, but why waste my time? You've already ruined it for everybody else..."

dingobear said...

Haha, great post, -c. You probably would've made a much better Olympic analyst than some of the deadweight they had employed at NBC over the past couple of weeks.

Also, you'll be pleased to know that the old Canadian past-time of robed sugarcube-stacking will be a full medal sport at the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics!

Anonymous said...

I liked the opening ceremony in Greece if anyone remembers it. It was really hard to make sense of if anyone tried. There was this huge eliptical shallow pool of water and crazy shapes and people emerged and floated over and from it. It was some crazy weird shtuff; god knows what the symbolism was behind it.

Anonymous said...

Papaioannou said the opening ceremony will draw from the myths of the ancient Greek god Apollo, best known as the mythical deity of the bow, music and for his connection with oracles. The closing ceremony will represent ideas from Bacchus, the mythical god of wine and revelry but also associated with wild sexual frenzies.

“If we remember ancient civilization, we see the opening is the Apollo element, the element of memory, light and thought, and the closing is the Bacchus element, something that only we the Greeks can do, of celebration, dance and sharing,” Papaioannou said.

Dragonfly said...

I thought the closing ceremonies represented some of the traditional Canadian Native customs, like igloo building and Nanuitchuik's so "people would know we were here". (OK.. that's the sugar cube thing)

And Avril Lavigne, as a canadian, was there to show that Vancouver will ba a party in 2010. Or so all the Canadian news anchors have said...

L said...

I barely watche them this time.... just couldnt' get into it

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