Friday, November 03, 2006

The hotter, the better

Last Tuesday was Hallow's Eve, and I've been meaning to post about it for a few days now.

I've got great gaudy, raunchy and sensibility-wrenching raw tales of Japanese students in thimble-sized skirts and wanton, western-French maid get-ups...., detailed descriptions and candid shots of promiscuously-dressed, pecker peek-invoking Peter Pan iron-ons, shamelessly sexy scenes from innocent exchange students in tall stockings, stories of stretched napkin bosom sheaths and high-heeled ruby-studded leather boots...

But..., the time has passed…

The blogosphere has left Halloween behind in its laundry basket.

Used and ready for recycling.

No..., the truth is that I would feel slightly exploitive – if not REALLY WRONG- using my curvaceous, nubile, whore-adorning language learners as blog post attractions...

(... plus, I think it's illegal to post those kind of shots without ethical clearance.

...even if the featured models DO dress and act like the type who would giggle and apologize while saying no and gasping as you stuck an antler up their rear kettle spout....)

Honestly, though…, I have spent the better part of a week disguising explanations of the possible cultural/anatomical implications of dressing like a dirty skag beneath target grammar points.

For example, Wednesday, we studied Double Comparatives (i.e. “The more it rains, the wetter I get,” and “The earlier I wake up, the more time I have to masturbate,” etc.)

So, I tried a few “Complete-the-sentence” games with them:

Me: The more I speak English…,
Students: … the more confident I become.

Me: The more fast-food I eat…,
Students: … the more weight I gain.

Me: The shorter my skirt is,….
Students: …the cuter I look.

Me: The more leg, ass and pubic hairs a bystander can see…,
Students: … the cuter I look.

Now…, I don’t know if I’m just becoming old and over-protective, or if these alleged college graduates are just still that ridiculously naïve…

But, I DO know that the next student wearing a hoola-hoop of fabric ‘round her waist who complains about obnoxious male suitors at the bus stop will get a free double comparative lesson from me:

The sluttier you look, the more slut-seekers you’ll attract.

And the more slut-seekers you attract, the...

24 comments:

dingobear said...

-c, I couldn't help but laugh out loud at this post. You don't just teach English, you teach life.

Philbrick said...

Beautiful. I hope to never have daughters. I couldn't find the time to follow them around with a shotgun.

Nico said...

the better chance you have of obtaining political favours.

bigislandscottie said...

the closer i must be to your neighborhood...

ted said...

the greater the competition

Frustrated Writer said...

...the cuter you look? Damn, did I flunk this test too?

Kitty Litter said...

The more I read your blogs,the more my sides hurt...

Jeez, if I had to choose,
this would be the funniest one yet...

Maybe, maybe not....

Kitty Litter said...

Kitty Litter is Cap'n Rich's new name.

Hee, hee to you again.

-c said...

dingobear- a Life Teacher... now that's an occupation I could throw around at dinner parties...

philbrick- trust me- if these were your girls, a shotgun wouldn't be enough.

nico- always thinking of how you'll become the political universe-ruling Nico-nator, eh?

bigislandscottie- if you were in my students' neighborhood, I would enforce their curfews with an iron fist. How are the Hawaiian volcanoes treatin you these days?

ted- and the greater the potential win!

frustrated writer- Yup, you failed. But, it's ok, because I think you'd look cute in short skirts and *uck-Me Boots :)

kitty litter- A hierarchical step down from "Cap'n", but I like your new name! Keep the cat physicist stories coming!

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